This year I had been doing a little dabbling into creative writing and story telling. I am still afraid to share anything with anyone because it is most likely very terrible at this time. In the last couple of months I have been doing some MasterClasses through the site of the same name. I am current lying listening to Judy Blume, Margaret Atwood, Neil Gaiman, and other authors such as these. I have enjoyed the lessons because their is a workbook connected to each course and for each “chapter”. I feel like their is a path to follow and actual learning that can be done.
I have felt my brain oozing from lack of input and from lack of learning in the last year. Do you ever get or feel this way? When I am not learning or being creative I feel lost, complacent, and purposeless. This year I have made it a goal to paint, write, draw, and just try to create more. I started with it last year, but will build on it for this year. That is how I like to do my “resolutions”.
Ultimately, I have made it a goal to work through my past, the nagging self-deprecating voice that sticks with me due to childhood, and just create. Just do it, even if it sucks, even if I am not good at it right now… just do it. I used to draw so well, but then lost the motivation to do it because of the constant hounding I would receive of how it wasn’t “good enough”. Well… ENOUGH OF THAT… Enough of those lingering, stamped into my brain, negative words that should have been positive towards my ambitions.
I will write, it will not be good all the time. I will draw… it will not be perfect… I will paint… I will crochet… I will garden. I will do my best and I will enjoy the process.
Enough is enough. I will no longer let myself be limited by those words from the insecure individual that should have been my number one supporter. I have had enough of their poisonous threads in my life. Enough is enough.
My path getting here has been a bit treacherous, but I am so ready to heal and get beyond the trauma that was forced onto me.
Til next time,